Finding your way takes time. Paving it takes even longer.
Don’t kid yourself that the journey is going to be easy. It’s not. You will second guess yourself along the way. Your path will only unravel as you tread it. So let’s look at those thoughts gnawing at you a little differently.
Feeling insecure because of another person or their success does not mean that you are not enough or do not have enough. It means that you are not sure if what you have makes you happy. And it’s okay to question that. Don’t beat yourself up because those thoughts came to you. They are not blasphemous, they’re reminders that you need to realign.
That feeling of sinking, burning and suffocating all at once does not mean that something is dying within you. Because dreams and desires die a silent death. You don’t notice their exit, they fade away. The discomfort you feel means that something within you is screaming to be heard, seen and acknowledged. Sit with it. Listen to it. Try to understand it.
I know that the confusion is painful. Why am I not happy? Why am I not content? Does this make me an ungrateful person? What if I don’t know what I want? What if I’m getting this all wrong?
Don’t mistake the confusion for ignorance. It’s the most salient reminder that you are growing. A confused mind does not mean you are doing everything wrong. It means that you are trying too hard to do everything right, even things you will never know how to get right without acting and experiencing. A confused mind means that you are open to searching, no matter how uncomfortable that makes you.
The feeling of constantly searching for something does not mean that you lack something. It only means that you are gravitating to the places, people and things that fit perfectly within your soul. It means that your soul is fine-tuned to send signals out for exactly what it needs. It means that you have a powerful soul. Trust it.
The feeling of being lost does not mean you are wrong or slow. It may seem like you are moving in concentric circles, spiralling into nothingness, but you are not. It means that you want to take all the possible routes to a destination to take back the wisdom of journeys many will never dare embark on.
You might be afraid. But fear does not mean you cannot do it. It means that you care enough to wonder what it would be like if it didn’t work out. And it’s alright to think about that. It’s always alright to care. Don’t let anyone tell you that you care too much. Who decided what the right amount to care for something was?
Take a moment to appreciate your effort to honour the confusion in your mind and the itch in your feet. You try because you want to participate in your life. You want to propel the changes to work for you, even when sometimes it feels like all you can do is work with the changes. You still do the work. You still push through the army of demons before you, looking at where the light is shining. This is what makes you beautiful.
Take a moment to appreciate your spirit that does not want to quit. That’s ready to head out and look for answers to bring back no matter how many times it has to do that over your lifetime. That obediently follows orders from your soul, ignoring everything the world yells at it as it keeps moving onward.
You don’t limit yourself to words others drew you within. You are brave enough to look for the ones that fit the person you are becoming. You don’t resist the chaos, you allow it to happen. You dare to keep moving through the silence of uncertainty and the malevolence of doubts. What’s happening within you is not destructive, it’s regenerative.
Never let anyone make you think otherwise.