An Open Letter To The Relationship I Wish I Hadn’t Messed Up

Looking back, I now see my arrogance and ignorant ways of my past self. How is it that in the present we lack the ability to stop ourselves from making horrible decisions? I am fully aware that we need to make these mistakes in order to grow and learn but is it really worth the self-discovery at the cost of someone else’s pain?

God, why did you set me on this path?

Why was I set to hurt someone who was the best thing that ever happened to my life?

I put myself back into the relationship and realize how much I took them for granted, how messed up and distorted my values and mindset was: I regret my actions completely. But do I wish to be with them again?

I put my faith in my Father. If I am meant to be with God will place them back into my heart and make it known that this is, in fact, my person…

But I can’t help but reminisce in seem-to-be-forgotten memories. Old kisses, distant embraces, laughs and awkward handholds. How can a person so deserving of love and happiness end up with me in their arms? Better yet; how could I not see all that they deserved?

I feel like a broken record player: stuck. I attempt to distract myself from these thoughts and nostalgia of dates that went unappreciated.

Maybe I shouldn’t be thinking of You. Because You do deserve better- better than me. After all that I have put You through, You deserve a life without me. Maybe I will always love You and I’ll probably always wonder “what if”.

But I will keep that between me and God. But I let You go, not because You weren’t enough, but because I wasn’t enough. And damn, do You deserve the world.

I’ll just be a distant supporter and keep you in my prayers.

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Astrid is a twenty-something madness who likes to write short stories that are, kind of like her, barely there. Her soul is happiest when she is reading, or being around people who lift up her spirits.

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