I’m Complex, But That’s What Makes Me Who I Am

I am a complex woman who should not be dating in this day and age. Why? Let me explain. I am a woman who is 100% confident in who she is and what she wants, but I am also a woman who is 100% insecure.

How is that possible? Well, let me break it down for you all.

I am 100% confident that I deserve love and happiness. I am 100% confident that I deserve to be in a healthy relationship with a person who loves all my insecurities and flaws. I am 100% confident that I am beautiful despite my scars. I am 100% confident that I am no better and no worse than any other woman. I am 100% confident that I will not settle for anything less than a love I find worthy of my awesomeness.

But I am also 100% insecure because I know once you find true love in yourself, it’s going to be difficult to accept from someone else. I am 100% insecure because I know physically I am not irresistible. I am 100% insecure because I don’t want to be an option, I want to be someone’s choice. I am 100% insecure because I am aware that where I am in life is a place people assume I want to remain. I am 100% insecure because it took a while to be good enough for myself, so it’s going to be difficult to believe I am good enough for someone else.

Despite my complex attitude and outlook, I know I have a lot to offer. I know that my ability to know when I am in a toxic place in my life and being able to leave that place is an asset in dating—no, in life. I know I am worthy of a person who wants to work with me to achieve my goals instead of a person who rushes me or belittles them.

I am very aware of my flaws and challenging nature.

But I am also aware of my worth. I am aware of my potential and my determination. I know that when I find someone who accepts and complements me, I will know it. I won’t feel the need to impress them with sex or pretending to be like everyone else. I don’t like to play games. I don’t like to pretend to be calm and collected when I am upset and bothered so I won’t seem “crazy.” If you don’t like honesty and persistence, then don’t date me.

I am a complex woman. I am 100% me.

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Astrid is a twenty-something madness who likes to write short stories that are, kind of like her, barely there. Her soul is happiest when she is reading, or being around people who lift up her spirits.

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