Life is complicated and so are relationships. As we change and grow, so do our relationships with people. Some of us get even closer, but sometimes life just takes you in opposite directions. I’ve had a lot of close friendships throughout my life, and they’ve all been unique and beautiful in their own way, but even once they’re over, they still hold a special place in my heart.
Sometimes I want to call to just check up on the person I once called my best friend, but I’ve been thinking hard about what I would say if I had the chance.
I still follow you on social media. I still like to see what you’re doing, laugh at the funny pictures you post after a night out or that selfie when you looked extra cute! Simply not being a part of your daily life doesn’t mean I’m not interested in it.
I’m still silently supporting you from afar, and seeing you happy makes me happy. Even if I’m not a part of your life, I love seeing every milestone you hit and everything amazing you achieve. I’m so proud of you. Just because we don’t talk anymore doesn’t mean I’ve stopped wanting the best for you.
I still reminisce about our times together. I still have all the pictures saved, the classic stories that I like to tell about our weird nights out together. When I’m talking to people, I’ll tell them funny stories about you sometimes, or just see something that will remind me of you and make me laugh.
If you called in the middle of the night, I’d answer. We don’t call each other anymore, and that’s okay. Life happens; we changed. But if you call me tonight and say you need me, I’ll be there right away. If you call me and ask me to hang out, I’ll still come and we can catch up. I’d never ignore you.
Your secrets are still safe with me. Everything you’ve told me in confidence, all the tearful conversations and angry rants, I will never tell anybody a word. You trusted me as your friend to watch over your secrets and I will still protect them even now.
I still sometimes slip up and call you my bestie. Sometimes I forget we’ve grown older and grown apart, and if I’m talking to someone about you, I’ll still say “Yeah, she’s my best friend.” I’m so glad I was able to call you that.
Losing you felt like a breakup. It’s hard to know what to say when a friendship ends or just fades away. People expect you to be heartbroken when you lose a romantic partner, but a friend is just as much of a partner as a boyfriend or girlfriend. It still feels like a breakup, and it’s so weird that we haven’t quite ever got the right words to deal with a friend-breakup.
I will never replace you. Even if I get a new best friend, they’ll never be you. But you’ll never be them either. Each friendship is unique and special, and they’re all both wonderful and sucky in their own unique and special ways. Nobody will ever be as good at being you as you are.
I still love you. Just because something is over doesn’t take away how much it meant. The laughs, the tears, the ups and downs were a part of my life and a part of our journey. Each friend I have is just a different type of soulmate to me, and I will forever cherish the time you were mine.
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